UNDERSTANDING CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP 2
Dear Reader,
Welcome to the concluding part of this teaching. I know you got insights on God’s Word from the previous edition as we examined the purpose of a courtship period. This week, I shall examine How Long and How Far You Should Go On with Courtship.
Courtship does not have a particular length of period. There are no scriptural references that say exactly how long courtship should be.
Most Bible examples vary from couple to couple, like Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, and Jacob and Leah in Genesis 24, 29:1-30. However, the Word of God in Ecclesiastes 10:10says: Wisdom is profitable to direct. Since marriage is a lifetime affair, it is not a thing to rush into; you need to be sure you know each other well enough. Even though courtship is not how long but how well, the period should be reasonably long enough for both of you to get to know each other well enough to live together all the days of your lives.
My husband and I courted for six years, and its effect is speaking now as it gave me ample time to know all about what he was doing and what to expect in future. No matter how long you court, you cannot know someone completely, but the longer, the better. If you court for only a week or less, you will need God’s special grace in your marriage because while knowing each other will last almost a lifetime, learning about each other will also take time, but you are better off when you know quite a lot about someone. A reasonable length of courtship period is a necessity you cannot afford to overlook. In Genesis 29:20-30, Jacob courted Rachel for seven years but was given Leah. Even after that, he still had to court again for another seven years for Rachel!
Therefore, don’t rush into marriage. Spend some time to look before you leap. Many have rushed into marriage only to discover the true identity of the person they are married to.
A lady once informed me of her marriage intentions. I wanted to find out a few things from her and ask some questions. So, I booked an appointment with her, but the appointment could not hold. The next time I met her, she was already married. The look on her face showed she needed help. Later, I discovered the man she married had been living outside the country for many years and had just returned, so they did not really know each other. Of course, she was in a hurry to get married so she could travel back with him.
While there is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to travel with her husband after marriage, there is everything wrong with wanting to marry a man just because you want to go outside the country with him. The man, I guess, knowing himself and his spiritual limitations tried to delay the marriage, but she succeeded in convincing him since she was ready to shoulder all the expenses. As soon as the marriage was conducted, she discovered the real nature of the man she had married. He was a man who was not interested in the things of God. She wanted to call it quits, but God would not permit it.
If only she had been patient enough, she would have known the true colour of the man before rushing into it. Now, she had to live the rest of her life in an uncomfortable situation. It can be very dangerous not to know the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, especially in a world so advanced in technology, where people are getting married every day via computer/internet.
The benefits of knowing your partner long enough are innumerable. Some of the benefits both of you stand to gain include all-round maturity spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. You will enjoy the benefit of knowing the peculiar characteristics, likes, dislikes, and other various weaknesses of each other and knowing how to handle them (Genesis 5:22-23). You will be able to conclude better on decisions such as the location, finance, number of children, vision and other plans that are important foundations for your future home.
Finally, knowing the person long enough allows you to confidently decide whether to marry the person or not. Since courtship is not marriage, it can be broken. While courting, if you find out your relationship is not going well or you both disagree more often than you agree, wisdom demands you break the relationship.
Criteria to have a Successful Courtship:
· Agreement. The bedrock of marriage is an agreement, and the first level of agreement is while still in courtship. There must be an agreement between you and your partner from day one. Both of you must have agreed to spend the rest of your lives together in marriage. Both of you must be able to agree on pressing issues that concern your future together. God’s Word in Amos 3:3 says: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Where there is no agreement, there will be confusion, disorderliness, disunity and a workshop for the devil. A healthy agreement will go a long way in protecting the success of your relationship long after your courtship period.
· Christian Character. Character is like a smoke. No matter how hard you pretend, it cannot be hidden. You and your partner must have good Christian characters that speak. Both of you must be God-fearing and doers of God’s commandment on truthfulness and commitment to the things of God like fellowship, Kingdom service, tithing, offerings, etc. This is why God command you to join yourself with someone of like belief and faith. The Bible says: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belia? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). The Christian character of your partner and yourself must radiate the fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Ephesians 5:9 and Galatians 5:22. A good Christian character will guide your partner from acting the way any natural person would, thereby saving you from sorrows and hurts.
· Progress. A good Christian courtship must progressively end up in an engagement and then marriage. There must be advancement in your courtship. Proverbs 4:18 says: But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. This means constant progress/advancement is being made towards your goal of marriage. Therefore, progress must be made physically, spiritually, materially, mentally, and in every other area. Lack of progress leads to defilement (Proverbs 13:12) or stagnation, and stagnant water they say, stinks. The success of every good courtship period should end in something even more meaningful—marriage.
· Pre-Marital Sex. Many begin in the spirit but end up messing themselves up by engaging themselves in the works of the flesh. Galatians 5:19-21 lists the various works of the flesh. Since courtship is not marriage, you have no marriage rights over each other until marriage has been contracted. God’s Word in Hebrews 13:4 says: Marriage is honourable in all the bed undefiled… What you do with the bed during courtship amounts to laying a foundation for what your marriage will be like when you get into it. There is no room for a sexual relationship or anything that leads to it while in courtship. Yes, you intend to marry, but as long as you are not yet married, it is sinful for you to go into it. Pre-marital sex does not only defile, it also destroys trust, honour and respect from your spouse in marriage. It is like a wound. Even when it is healed, the scar remains. With the AIDS scare terrorizing the world today, even the unbelieving and skeptical world has discovered the need for purity. It has suddenly realized there is no safer precaution than choosing a life of purity and chastity. It is possible to say “No!” to pre-marital sex. So, choose to seek the Lord uncompromisingly, and He will preserve the treasure He created in your bodies.
However, while you prepare for your marriage, the journey to a successful marriage is having a relationship with God. So, if you are not born again, please say this prayer of faith: to enjoy your marriage, you need to be saved. If you are not born again, please say this prayer of faith: Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins. Cleanse me with Your Precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Now I know I am born again!
Congratulations, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you or forsake you. With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace, in Jesus’ name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through oyedepofaitha@gmail.com OR 08141320204.
For more insight, these books, authored by me, are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home, and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).
