Dear Reader,

Welcome to the concluding part of the series. Last time, I examined the PUBERTY STAGE, and as parents, I believe you now know that this stage is exciting, not frustrating, and as teenagers, you have started embracing this stage with an open mind to learn and be guided. So, this week, I examine deeper Understanding Teenagers.  

EARLY TEENS (12-15)

As children gradually move into their teen years, they begin to get more interested in people of the opposite sex. Their sexual appetite begins to awaken. Girls start looking great to boys, and boys start appealing to girls. The changes in body chemistry create a new appetite for sex within them. They begin to want to spend more time with those of the opposite sex, eventually leading to the desire for marriage. This is healthy if they are told how to handle it.

At this stage, the children do not really know the difference between infatuation and love. So, as parents, you need to let them understand this so they don’t get into marriage with the mind that real love exists between teenagers. One of the biggest mistakes an individual can make in life is to get married too soon and later discover that true love never existed.

It can be tragic! Statistics have shown that half of most teenage marriages break up within five years because the individuals are immature. Parents, please let them know that marriage is one of the most important decisions to be made in life, and they must not be in a hurry. Therefore, it is advisable that youngsters are mentally mature before contemplating marriage.

Certain emotional changes occur during this period. There is an increased desire for relationships with colleagues, classmates and age group mates, known as “Peer groups.” Also, the body changes, which are new and strange to them, can cause fear to rise in them. They also become shy to undress when others are around because they don’t want them to see the changes in their bodies. All these are universal fears of adolescents. 

In some cases, instead of fear, an inferiority complex sets in – fear of being disliked, failure, fear of being laughed at. This may stir up the desire to be accepted and make friends at all costs, which is better than being withdrawn, seclusion and shutting everyone out. Therefore, at this time, they should be taught how to handle peer pressure effectively. If a child falls into the wrong peer group, he or she may conform to bad ways and habits. So, children must be taught that body changes do not mean being inferior, abnormal or bad. They need to understand that everyone is unique, and they should learn to accept their uniqueness.

LATE TEENS (16-18)

During this stage, there is an increase in their sexual urge. They have a prevailing movement towards having sexual relationships. The emotional changes in their lives become much more pronounced than any other changes that they might be experiencing. Parents, you must let them understand that having a sexual appetite is not wrong, but its fulfilment is restricted to the marriage relationship alone. Show them where this verse of the Scripture is written in the Word of God. The Bible says: Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge (Hebrews 13:4). 

As a parent, you will apply wisdom and love to explain to them that such feelings do arise, but they are not the basis for strong and fulfilling marriages. The principles, foundation and purpose for marriage ought to be explained at this point so they don’t make a wrong choice or hasty into marriage.

Teenagers need to know that God created the sexual desire within man. It is neither dirty nor evil. Nothing God created is evil (Genesis 1:31); it is the perversion of it that is evil. God’s intention is that sexual desire finds expression in marriage, not outside marriage. Therefore, parents should teach their teenagers how to control their sexual desires. They can engage the Blood of Jesus as a weapon and study the Word of God. The Word says: Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed thereto according to thy word (Psalm 119:9).

However, as a teenager, to walk through this stage and understand the changes you see and feel, or as parents, to guide your children alright, you need to be in a relationship with God. So, if you are not born again, please say this prayer of faith: Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins. Cleanse me with Your Precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Now I know I am born again!

Congratulations, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you or forsake you. With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace, in Jesus’ name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through oyedepofaitha@gmail.com OR 08141320204.

For more insight, these books, authored by me, are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Singles With A Difference, Growing In Grace, A Living Witness, and Raising Godly Children.