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Some couples find it difficult to have a meaningful conversation without quarrelling or disagreeing. This doesn’t have to be the case. If this is your situation, you can make a decision to change. First your mindset has to change and then you have to learn the behaviors that enable effective communication. Even the bible tells us to communicate effectively in Ephesians 4:29. So, here are 4 steps to help you TALK.

TTone and attitude influence how productive your conversation will be. If you come ready to talk with a defensive body language or a disinterested attitude, you’ve hampered effective communication from happening. An aggressive tone tends to send out ‘warfare’ vibes (Proverbs 15:1-2).  Avoid getting into a shouting match. An affectionate and calm demeanor will show that you are willing to have an amicable and productive conversation, which would leave you both satisfied with the outcome.

A – Affirm and appreciate. Affirm your love for each other. Affirm love with physical touch – it may just be holding of hands or a head resting on a shoulder while you talk. You’ll be surprised how helpful this could be when dealing with a challenging issue. Tense and distant body language mirrors what is going on in the mind; it would only sustain the tension hanging in the air. Appreciate each other too: if your conversation only consists of faultfinding, then you will both end up feeling bruised. Look at the situation objectively. What has your spouse or intended spouse done well in the circumstance that you can refer to? What do they normally do well that you can commend? Reminding them of what you love about them also adds a nice flavor (1 Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12).

L – Listen. Yes, listen without presumptions about what the other person will say. Listen with the intention of understanding the other person’s feelings behind their words.  Acknowledge what you have heard and ask questions to clarify what you feel you are hearing.

K – Kind words. ALWAYS, use kind words. Of what use are spiteful words? They inflame wounds. If in the heat of the moment, hurtful words tumble out of your mouth, quickly apologize; don’t justify those words! A heartfelt ‘sorry’ is an important word. Your partner isn’t stupid; they can read your undertones. They will know if your sorry isn’t heartfelt. Don’t use abusive words with each other. If you feel angry or provoked, let your words be calculated and say them calmly. Also, let your words be full of empathy and understanding.

Use Colossians 4:6 as your watchword: Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. The very first scripture, Ephesians 4:29 tells us: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ministering grace to the hearer; that is the key. Each time you have a conversation, whether you are correcting, rebuking, etc., ask yourself, “Have I just ministered grace?”  May God give you the grace you need to T-A-L-K.

Using words that minister grace, means that the Word of God must be dwelling in you. And for that to be the case you must be born again; you must have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. God would release abundant help upon you when you confess your sins and accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. That way, you will be saved. If you are ready to be saved, please say this prayer:  “Lord Jesus, I come to You today. I am a sinner. I can’t help myself. Forgive me of my sins. From today, I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Thank You Jesus for saving me. Now, I know I am born again.”

Congratulations! I am so excited for you and look forward to your testimonies. Till I come your way next time, please call or write to share your testimonies with me through kemioyedepo@yahoo.com and contact@faithoyedepo.org, Tel: 08141320204; 07026385437.  You can connect with me on my Facebook page, which is called Crisis-Proof Your Family, and my blog – www.crisisproofyourfamilyblog.com!

For more insight, these books authored by Pastor Faith Oyedepo are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian Bookstores: Making Marriage Work and Conquering controlling powers (Dr. David Oyedepo)

Remain ever blessed!

Kemi Oyedepo

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