Anytime I come across couples who are in a relationship heading for marriage, one of the first questions I tend to ask them is,“Have you read the job description?” This question is usually followed with blank stares and sometimes some stuttering, because it is a question that most people never get asked. I have even met many who have been married for years, who still have no idea what their job description is, whether as a husband or as a wife.
The problem is that many of us take marriage quite casual. We see it as something we just get into and begin to figure ourselves out in. While you cannot handle every issue before marriage, the major ones can be looked into, understood and dealt with before marriage. That is why I am a proponent of pre-marital counselling. Not just any type of pre-marital counselling, but sound Biblical counselling. It is the type where everything that is told to the couple, is backed up with scriptures. It is the type that brings revelation and understanding to the couple involved; where all I’s are dotted, and every T is crossed.
During counselling, the job description of a wife and a husband must be given, so that each person knows their role in the marriage. If not, the couple would find themselves trying to duplicate efforts in a role that has not been assigned to them. Thank God because He is a God of order, and He does all things decently and in order (1 Corinthians 14:40). He is the Creator of marriage. Therefore, He has spelt out the roles and responsibilities of any person who wants to step into this institution of honour (Hebrews 13:4).
In this article, we would be looking at the portrait or person specifications of a husband. It is one that I believe, if accepted with full responsibility by every husband, will bring the number of crisis-filled homes to an all-time low.
In the Book of Ephesians 5:25-28, the major requirement of every husband in every marriage is to shower his wife with LOVE. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.
If you noticed in that scripture, Christ loved the church first, and the effects were all that followed; so it begins with love first. The commandment to the husband is that he MUST love his wife the exact same way Christ loved the church. Therefore, anything contrary to that is unacceptable.
My father in-law, Dr. David Oyedepo stated in the book, Success in Marriage, “Until the love responsibility is accepted, there will be nothing called success in marriage”. This scripture is one that many husbands hear quite often, but I have found that a lot of them actually don’t know how Christ loved the church.
As far as they are concerned, it stopped at Christ dying for the church. That is part of the truth but not the entirety of it. Therefore, for a husband who may have no idea how Christ loved the church; we will look at few ways. It is my prayer that the eyes of your understanding be enlightened in Jesus’ name.
Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. That is, placing no limits on the love you have for your wife. That is, not waiting for her to do what you like before showing her any love, not waiting for her to change before you show her love. It is not waiting for her to tell you sorry, before you show her love, not waiting until she submits to you, before showing her love. No! The same way Christ places no condition on His love for you and I; He loves us despite our mistakes and flaws. While we were yet sinners, He died for us (Romans 5:8). That is how you must love your wife. His love does not depend on your love for Him. Please know that marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ. Therefore, that picture must be fully evident in the way a husband relates with his wife. No excuse is good enough as to why a husband chooses not to love his wife, because God, the Author of marriage, put no conditions on it.
Regardless of the wrong she has done, remember that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). In fact, He has said that any person that does not love does not know God, because He is love (1 John 4:8). Before you can cleanse her by the washing of water by your words, you must love her first because, the right words will only flow out of a heart of love.
It is holding nothing back, risking your life to help or save her. It is giving your wife all that you are, not paying attention to what others think about how you express your love for her. Leave people to think what they like. Your so-called friends and family members may make fun of you, but you must prove your freedom of personal expression regarding your feelings toward her, the same way Christ does for you. You must let go of every embarrassment or inhibition.
The expression of love goes a long way, going out of your way to ensure that her needs, whether financial, physical, emotional or spiritual, are met. Remember that any man that loves his wife, actually shows love to himself (Ephesians 5:28). Your wife is you and you are your wife, therefore, the same way you ensure you are taken care of, you do the same for her without question. In fact, you go over and beyond for her; doing more than she has asked for.
One question I always ask myself is, “What is love, if it is not expressed”? It amounts to nothing. Dr David Oyedepo says that:“knowing and accepting this responsibility made me believe that if I were married to even the devil, he would be converted”.
Embarrass her with your love. Or like my husband says, “Overwhelm them with love, and you will see a change”. The same way people should look at you and keep seeing the glory of God on your life, the same way they should keep seeing God embarrass you on every side with testimonies. That is how it should be for your wife.
People should see her and know that, indeed, she has a husband. The evidence of this is your act of giving her the best that you have to offer, to the point that she is always singing your praises, thanking God for your life. When God does you good, you can’t help but sing His praises, whether people want to hear it or not.
I remember a while back, when somebody actually asked me, “Are you the only one with a husband?” Because my husband is just so good to me. I laughed because the way he takes care of me, I can’t help but talk about him and say confidently to those who try to speak negatively about men, that “No sir/ma, men are not all the same, mine is different”. That is exactly how every wife should be about her husband. Due to the fact that you love her without any reservations, she would not be willing to join the scorners, the jealous ones who are gnashing with their teeth.
This is never allowing the temperature of your love to get cold. You have to work hard to ensure it remains Hot! Hot!! Hot!!! Your love for her must have no end. “NaySayers” may speak against her, but your love for her causes you to defend her, doing all the things that keep her happy and excited.
She is not perfect, but despite her flaws, you love her and keep helping her as much as you can, to bring out the best in her, by being patient with her and encouraging her. You are not just comparing her to any other woman, but accepting her for who she is, and helping her weaknesses with your strengths. This, in turn is what brings out the best in her. When you wanted to marry her, she could do no wrong in your eyes, you overlooked her imperfections. Go back to that place!
Remember that in order for Christ to present the church without spot or wrinkle, it all began with love. Before you can refine her and cause her to become the envy of others, you must love her first. Without love, your efforts are rendered useless.
Please note that the above list is not exhaustive. In addition to what I have shared with you, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, I recommend that you meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which tells us exactly what love, is. It will help you examine yourself, to see if indeed love dwells in you.
While love is not expected from the husband alone, it is the commandment that God has specifically outlined for any man who wants to excel in his role as a husband. “Until the love responsibility is accepted, there will be nothing called success in marriage” says – Dr. David Oyedepo
When this requirement is met by every husband, the truth is that even the most seemingly stubborn wife, the one who one may think does not deserve to be shown any love, would begin to respond positively to the expression of love that never fails(1 Corinthians 13:8), thereby restoring the peace to the storm in any marital home.
Remember that anything that is not done willingly has no reward (1 Corinthians 9:17). Therefore, every intending and current husband, must receive the grace to serve God acceptably in this role (Hebrews 12:28), and God who is a rewarder of men(Hebrews 11:6), will ensure your own reward does not elude you in Jesus name.
The power to accept your responsibility as the husband, can be given to you by surrendering your life to Christ. If you are ready to surrender your life to Christ, please say this prayer:
Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and Satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank you for accepting me into Your kingdom.
Congratulations! Till I come your way next time, please call or write, and share your testimonies with me through
For more insight, these books authored by Pastor Faith Oyedepo are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian Bookstores:
Be blessed forever.
Mrs. Kemi Oyedepo