From my studies, I discovered that the general platform upon which singles, even Christians, make their choice of life partners is tri-dimensional: physical, soulish (emotional, intellectual) and spiritual. Once they sense a bonding or unity with someone in any or all of these three areas, they believe that they have located their spouse.
Unity of the Flesh is a relationship that thrives on physical gratification. “Oh, he is handsome! She is beautiful! Look at her figure! Look at her complexion!” All that has attracted you is simply the physical appearance. While nothing is wrong with this realm of attraction in itself, it is a wrong premise on which to contract a lifelong relationship.
What many people tend to forget is that people change over time. If your relationship is only based on the physical appearance of a person, your love will fade as his or her looks change. God’s Word says: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised (Proverbs 31:30). Therefore, there is need for caution.
Unity of the Soul includes the emotions, intellect, and will. Perhaps you find a person, who reasons like you do. Both of you share the same interests in music, dance, drama, etc. So you concluded, “Maybe she can make a good wife.” You assume both of you are “compatible”.
Basing a relationship purely on the unity of the soul is risky, because likes and dislikes, also, change overtime; perhaps as a result of maturity. The things you like doing today, you may find childish tomorrow, or you simply lose interest in later. That is why God’s Word says: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things (1 Corinthians 13:11).
Unity of the Spirit is the most important unity that must exist between a man and a woman, which will also determine how much the marriage flourishes. This can only happen between two born-again Christians, because outside Christ, all men are spiritually dead.
When there is unity of the spirit, there is an agreement in the fundamental spiritual matters listed in Hebrews 6:1-2. So, not just any Christian will make up for your choice. In other words, you must agree on the following fundamental principles and doctrinal issues: repentance from dead works, faith towards God, doctrine of baptisms (Holy Ghost and immersion by water), laying on of hands (either for impartation or healing), resurrection of the dead (lest he/she is a Sadducee), eternal judgment, etc.
To add to that list, are you heading in the same direction? Do you have a similar calling or vision? Are there other doctrines, which his/her church subscribes to? Do you know them, and are you comfortable with them?
The most important of these dimensions is the spiritual, and I have found out that even when the physical and soulish are not 100% satisfactory, once the spiritual is intact, the others also find fulfilment. When you get married based on the unity of the spirit, you’ll find that the needs of the soul and the flesh are also wonderfully met!
However, if you are genuinely repentant, God will forgive and restore the honour of marriage back to you if you are a victim already; but you must not go back to your vomit. Endeavour to desist from such acts.
Lester Sumrall described how he met his wife in one of his books. He said the first time he saw his wife, his flesh told him, “This lady is beautiful” (paraphrased). Then as they talked together, he noticed that they had many soulish things in common – they had the same mind on many issues of life. But the main reason he decided to marry her was her dedication, devotion, and unwavering love for the things of God. They were happily married for about 50 years before his wife went home to be with the Lord.
I also had a very similar experience. When I met my husband, I observed that he is a very handsome man. Something from within told me, “This is the man!” Not only that, we had (and still have) the same mind about various issues of life. But most importantly, what actually brought us together, and has helped us record the kind of success we enjoy in our marriage today, is the spiritual qualities he possesses: dedication and unwavering commitment to Christ and His Kingdom. Guess what? He was actually on a trip, on kingdom service when we met! It’s close to three decades since we first met and agreed to marry each other, and we have actually been married for well over two decades now, and it’s still getting sweeter by the day! You can have the same testimony.
Consequently, life is eternally purposeless without Christ in it. God’s Word says: The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:40). You need the grace of God to subdue the flesh in order for the spirit to triumph by simply saying this prayer of faith: “Dear Lord Jesus, I come to You today acknowledging that I am a sinner who needs Your forgiveness. I believe You died for me and rose again on the third day. Forgive me my sins, wash me with Your Blood and write my name in the Lamb’s Book of life. Thank You Lord for saving me.”
Congratulations! That’s it! Till I come your way next time, please call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: email@example.com; Tel. No: 07026385437, 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian Bookstores: Singles With A Difference, A Living Witness and Marriage Covenant.