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Dear Reader,

From the last teaching, we saw the importance of choice making, and we went on to study some characters of people in the Bible who made the right choices in their lives. In this segment, I will take further look at The Platform For Your Choice.

From my studies, I discovered that the basis upon which people make their choice for life partners, is tri-dimensional: physical, soulish (emotional, intellectual) and spiritual. Once they sense a bonding or unity in any or all these three areas with someone, they believe that they have located their spouse.

Unity of the Flesh: Some people get into marriage when they have a unity of the flesh or in the physical with someone. For example, you see a young man or woman and say, “Oh, he is handsome,” or “Oh she is beautiful”. All that has attracted you is simply the physical appearance. While nothing is wrong with this realm of attraction in itself, it is a wrong premise to contract a relationship for life. The man who is broad-shouldered with flat tummies and all muscles today, can become pot-bellied, flabby and bald tomorrow. So, if your relationship is only based on the physical appearance of a person, your love will fade as his or her looks change.

Unity of the Soul: The second platform upon which many people select a mate is the soul, which includes the emotions, intellect and will. Perhaps you find a woman who reasons like you do. Both of you share the same interests in music, dance, drama, etc. So you think, “Ah, may be she can make a good wife.” You develop strong feelings for the person, and decide to get married. However, basing a relationship on unity of the soul is risky, because likes and dislikes change.

Unity of the Spirit: The most important unity that must exist between a man a woman, and which will determine how much the marriage flourishes, is that of the Spirit. This can only happen between two born-again Christians, because outside Christ, all men are spiritually dead. When an individual is said to be born again, it is his Spirit which died in Adam which has now been re-born. This is why it becomes very necessary for you to surrender your life to Christ.

Maturity: In God’s concept of marriage, marriage is for men and women, not for boys and girls. God’s Word says: The rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man (Genesis 2:22). Therefore shall a man… cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Take particular note of these words ‘man’ and ‘woman’ in the above passages.

Maturity is required before marriage. One needs to be matured spiritually, physically and emotionally. However, maturity can be determined from two points of view: age and ability to handle life situations. These two put together, help in determining how matured an individual is. One that is matured for marriage should be able to assume responsibility for his/her actions, and take up the welfare of his/her spouse and children. If you are not matured enough to be a parent, then you are not matured enough for marriage.

Parents, hear this: As Christian parents, your part is to trust the Holy Spirit to guide your children in the right choices of a marriage partner. Once they are matured enough and ripe for marriage, allow them to choose their partners as led by the Spirit of God. There is no point in hurrying your son to get married. Let him become a man first, then you will also have peace. I believe very strongly that one of the reasons for the upsurge in the divorce rate today, is because very many boys and girls enter into marriage when their minds are not matured enough for the responsibility of decision making; so the marriage breaks up. Maturity is not a function of age alone, it has a vital part to play in marriage.

Compatibility: Compatibility is another issue to consider, when it comes to making right choices in marriage. Anyone you are choosing must be one you are compatible with. Two cannot walk together except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3). God will never lead you to someone that you will always disagree with. If God says two cannot walk together except they be agreed, He will never ask you to marry someone you cannot agree with.


For God to lead you to make right choices, you must become His child. Until you are a child of God, your mind is not renewed to make right choices. This is why it becomes very important that you surrender your life to Christ. This is by confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. If you are ready to be born again, please say this prayer:

Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins. Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Now I know I am born again!

Congratulations!  You are now born again! Till I come your way next time, please call or write, and share your testimonies with me through: E-mail: counselling@faithoyedepo.org, contact@faithoyedepo.org; Tel.  No: 08141320204; 07026385437.


For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores:

  • Making Marriage Work
  • Marriage Covenant
  • Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).



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