PURPOSEFUL COURTSHIP (1)
Happy new Year! It is with great delight that I welcome you to another glorious year. May you experience life changing encounters this month and all through the year in Jesus name! This week, we shall be considering a critical topic “Purposeful Courtship”
To have a better understanding of the topic, let me start by defining some terms.
What is purpose?
Purpose can be defined as “the reason something is done, created or exists”. According to Dr. Myles Munroe “When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”. Without knowing the purpose, you cannot have a successful courtship and this is the reason for misunderstandings and all kinds of troubles in marriage. That will not be your portion in Jesus name! Therefore, seek to understand what this period is meant for so you can judiciously maximise it.
What is Courtship?
Courtship is the period between when two people agree to marry and when they actually do. It is important to state here that Christian courtship is meant to be between a Christian brother and sister who have agreed to walk together in the direction of marriage (Amos 3:3) The purpose of courtship is to get to know each other through a well- nurtured relationship which is centered on Christ and built on His Word. The courtship period is a time to prove all things about your mate. The Bible clearly states Prove all things; hold fast that which is good (1 Thessalonians 5:21) and a successful courtship is a necessary step towards a successful marriage.
Let me show you some factors that will enhance the quality of your courtship
Spend Time Talking Together
A qualitative courtship involves spending time with your fiancé (e) during which you share things like your calling, dreams, interests, likes and dislikes, viewpoints etc. with each other. It is important to spend time talking together, not just looking at each other and saying,“Oh you’re so beautiful. I love you so much and I can’t wait to marry you”. According to a popular saying, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”.
Words are indication of your thoughts and the direction in which you are going. If you want to know the heart of a man watch the direction of his words. If your fiancé (e) for instance always talks about money, it is an indication that he/she is money minded. If on the other hand he/she is interested in your physique, you will hear him/her speak of nothing else. The Bible says A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh (Luke 6:45)
I discovered that it is impossible to separate an individual from his words. My husband and I courted for six years and every time I heard him speak, I knew the direction he was heading to. I knew his convictions which were also my convictions. So, it became easy for both of us to flow together.
Enjoy things of mutual interest
Just as it is important to spend your courtship days praying, fasting and studying God’s Word together, it is also necessary to enjoy other things of mutual interests together. For example, both of you may enjoy taking pictures. Why not? Have fun, but avoid indulging in anything sinful. Such pictures could be kept for future reference. The other day I saw some pictures of my husband and I which were taken about twenty-seven years ago! It was a lot of fun! It brought back beautiful memories. Those times help you discover whether you are actually meant for each other or not.
Appear in Public together
As intending couples, you must make out time to appear in public together. Such public meetings may include but not limited to the following: church services, wedding ceremonies, matriculation, graduation, workshops, seminars etc. I also advocate that as you appear in public, watch how both of you conduct yourselves, how your partners respond to issues and treat other people, his/her behaviour or reaction to unpalatable situations. This is a signal of what the future holds. For instance, if he/she lacks Christian character, you are heading for trouble by going into marriage with such person.
If you are ashamed to appear in public with your future husband or wife for social reasons like height, age educational and physical defects, personal carriage, eating manner etc., you have to sort them out during courtship. If not, you may never make a good couple. Be real and don’t go through courtship with the eyes of your mind closed!
Write letters to each other
There is nothing old fashioned about writing letters, even though there are other means of communication such as telephones etc. especially with these fast-electronic media revolutions. A letter is still a more acceptable way of communicating. Such could be sent through e-mails or any other means. Among the many advantages of letter is that you are able to organise your thoughts better and logically because you have the opportunity of reading it over and again before sending it. Another advantage is that it becomes a document that can be kept, stored and preserved over a period of time for possible future references. It also helps to develop your writing skills which may eventually become an asset in future.
I particularly found this means of communication very helpful during my courtship days. Even now, after so many years we still refer to some of those letters. Not long ago, my husband read a portion of those letters during a Church Service which helped in driving home some points.
Keep yourself Pure!
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge (Hebrews 13:4).
You desire honour in your marriage? Keep your bed pure! This word of caution is necessary at this juncture because when you are in love and spend time together, there is bound to be a desire to touch, \cuddle that person. If care is not taken, one little thing will lead to another until the bed is defiled.
In this part of the world there is an adage that says, “The soup you will eat in the night, why must you be in a hurry to steal out of it in the morning”. If you are in courtship, my advice for you is wait! Be patient. Your time is coming. If you have been messing yourselves up and defiling the marriage bed, you have to stop it now so it doesn’t mess up your destiny! Anyone who defiles the marriage bed is consciously rubbing him/herself of the honour in marriage. Beware! In case you have missed it and are genuinely repentant, ask for God’s forgiveness and you will receive it.
Remember, God is a God of purpose and He has a purpose for everything He created including marriage. Therefore, to have a successful courtship and marriage you need Jesus in your life. You can accept Him now if you have not done so. If you will like to do this, please say this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus, I come to You today as a sinner. I believe You died for my sins and rose on the third day. Forgive me my sins. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today”.
Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write and share your testimonies with me through firstname.lastname@example.org, and email@example.com; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian Bookstores: Singles With A Difference, Make Your Life Count and Welcome to God’s Family.
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