You are welcome to another exciting time in the presence of the Lord. Last time, I discussed with you the introductory part of this teaching. I taught on what relationship is and why we need to build successful relationships.
Today, I shall be sharing with you some fundamental factors that must be in place in order to build healthy and successful relationships. Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons, but there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic factors for a healthy relationship helps to keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting, no matter the circumstances you find yourselves per time. Let us examine some of them here:
Define The Purpose: This principal factor must be in place, if a relationship must succeed. To everything under the sun (including relationships), there is a purpose (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Whatever relationship you are into, whether with your mates, superiors or subordinates, it is crucial and fundamental to define its purpose, right from the outset. Dr. Myles Munroe said, “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.” Purpose enhances your focus; purpose is power and relationships thrive on it.
Constantly keep the purpose of your relationships before you. Defining and knowing the purpose of your relationships, will help you fight and overcome distractions. Well-defined purpose makes correct evaluation possible because you are able to determine whether you are on track or not.
Be Sincere To Yourself: This is another major factor that you must know and understand. Remember, you are the principal actor in any relationship you are involved in. It is therefore important that you are true to yourself. So, refuse to play the game of self-deceit! You must know, understand and be true to yourself.
Where knowledge is present, power is present for performance. Where there is understanding, there will be outstanding accomplishments. For any relationship to be outstanding, a good understanding is required. Understand your weaknesses, strengths, attitude and temperament. Be practical and real! To build successful and meaningful relationships, learn to seek and receive help in your area(s) of weakness.
1 Corinthians 10:12 says: Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. Successful relationships begin with you. Do not hide from your own flesh. Do not pretend to be super-strong, when you know you are not. A successful relationship is possible, when the principal actor, which is you, is sincere.
Examine Your Motives: Motive is defined as the reason for doing something. Motives are powerful and they are everything. No wonder, 2 Corinthians 13:5 says: Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith: prove your own selves: know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? Examine your motives because you are the best examiner of your life; whether there is an ulterior motive or whether your motive is pure and godly. If you are honest with yourself you will discover that your motive is clearly known and never hidden from you.
Interestingly, God sees beyond your actions. You may succeed in deceiving man, but you can’t deceive God. So, right from the outset, sanitize your motive, before you enter into any relationship. This will ensure that the relationship is sound, healthy and rewarding.
Be A Contributor: It is very important that you enter into a relationship as a contributor, not a burden. What you take into a relationship will determine what you get out of it. Take a close look at Proverbs 27:17 which says: Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Seek to sharpen and add something to the life of the other party involved in that relationship.
Don’t keep looking for what to get, grab or take, instead, think of what to add and give. Constantly bear in mind the fact that what you make happen for others, determines what God makes happen for you.
Giving is living! So, give, contribute and invest spiritually, materially and otherwise, to the development and growth of the relationships you are involved in. When contribution is one-sided, it cripples relationships. Beware of selfishness! Stop taking undue advantage of people. Refuse to join the company of those who keep sucking life out of others, rather than adding to them. Don’t always sit at the receiving end in a relationship.
Communicate Effectively: Every successful relationship thrives on good communication. Assumption in relationships could be very dangerous. My husband says humorously that assumption is the mother of frustration! Do not assume anything, speak out, and find out the things in the mind of the people you are into relationships with. What do they think about you? This will help you clear a wrong impression that the other party might be having.
Lack of good communication has truncated good and well meaning relationships. A closed mouth could lead to a closed destiny. Remember that no one is a mind reader. Communicate effectively and you will set the stage for successful relationships.
Researchers say that we spend 70% of our waking time communicating and 30% of our communication is talking. Keep in mind the fact that no matter what you do, you have to speak to one person or another on a daily basis. You therefore need to learn how to speak correctly. The Scripture says in Ephesians 4:29: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth.
For this to be so, you need to allow God to touch your mouth with the coal of fire, giving no room to the adversary!
Engage in Constant Evaluation: Constantly evaluate your relationships. In evaluating your relationships, ask yourself: is this relationship profitable, both for me and for the other person(s) involved? Is it contributing anything to me and the parties involved? Is it leaving me refreshed, energized or is it draining me?
In a sound relationship, there will always be mutual respect for each other. This means that each person values who the other is. You need to evaluate whether there is mutual respect and if there is, whether it is growing or diminishing.
Another important area that requires constant evaluation is trust. No relationship at any level can be healthy without trust. Evaluate whether there is trust and if it is present, whether it is growing or not. Examine your spiritual walk with God, because any relationship with man at any level, male or female that draws you backward in your walk with God is not godly and does not deserve your consideration or attention.
The questions then are: is He Lord over your life? Or are you lord over yourself? God must become the Lord of your life and relationships for you to succeed. So, you must be born again. To do that, you have to confess your sins and accept Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour. If you are ready to be born again, say this simple prayer with me, in faith: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”
If you prayed this simple prayer, congratulations, you are born again and you are now a child of God! He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through firstname.lastname@example.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian Bookstores: Singles with a Difference, A Living Witness and Make Your Life Count.