Welcome to another time with God this month in this column. In this segment, I will be sharing with you Some of the Qualities of a Good Marriage.
So much has been said and written about marriage—much of it rather complicated or seemingly contradictory—that I was curious as to what Jesus would have to say on the subject. He has such a wonderful way of explaining things simply, clearly, and positively that I was sure He could put things in perspective, hence some of the main qualities of a good marriage.
Putting God First: It’s a spiritual law that when you put your time with God first, both alone and with your husband or wife, everything else falls into place. As we all know, marriage is good in itself involving one man one woman, a union of spirit soul and body. We must put God first, before any other thing can be considered. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these [other] things shall be added to you (Matthew 6:33).
Unselfishness: Selfishness is at the root of most marital problems. For a marriage to work, both partners need to put the happiness of the other before their own. That’s real love—the kind that lasts. If you want success in your home, you must do away with the act of selfishness. This is because before now, it has been you and you alone, but now you are two in one. You are your spouse keeper in everything you do and have. The Word of God in Genesis 4:9 says: And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper? Proverbs 11:22 says: He that withholdeth corn, the people shall curse him: but blessing shall be upon the head of him that selleth it.
Willingness to Recognize and Work on Problems: Most of the problems that sink marriages start small, but grow out of hand because the couple fail to deal with the problems soon enough. Often they tell themselves that the problem will go away if they ignore it or when circumstances change, but that passive approach seldom works. Those with the strongest marriages are those who learn to face their problems head-on and take active steps to overcome them together.
Good Communication: This is very vital in all marriages. You may not enjoy your marriage if you and your spouse don’t communicate effectively well enough. Moreso, it is like having gold in a garden and not knowing how to dig it out. In order to understand and meet each other’s needs, as well as to unite to overcome problems, good communication is a must. It is the basis of any fruitful and lasting relationship.
Forgiveness: A readiness to forgive is a key to a solid, secure marriage. Be quick to apologize for any hurtful words or actions you may have directed at your wife or husband. We must be tender-hearted towards each other. The Word of God says: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).
Being Supportive: In all situations, no matter how difficult things may tend to be like, you must be positive. This will make your marriage all it can be. Dwell on each other’s good qualities and always look for ways to bring out the best in each other, rather than belittle, criticize, or nag.
Teamwork: Discuss and agree on goals and priorities, and learn to tackle problems together. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
Consideration: Being considerate of each other’s feelings, likes and dislikes, time, and energy not only says, “I love you” in a most convincing and endearing way, but it also relieves stress, prevents friction, and keeps lots of little problems from ever happening.
Affection: You’d be surprised at how many marriages fall short, because of a lack of outward affection. Vocal expressions of your love for one another are also important, but sometimes touching, kissing, and hugging can convey love and reassurance even better. They are physical manifestations of inward feelings.
Admiration: Few things boost self-esteem or make people want to succeed in the truly important things of life, more than hearing that their good qualities are noticed and admired. Sharpen your appreciation of the wonderful person you married, and watch him or her become even more wonderful.
Reaching Out to Others: Even if you seem to be the most compatible couple in the world and feel completely satisfied and secure in each other’s company, in order for your marriage to thrive, you both need other friends. Others can help you grow in ways that your husband or wife can’t, so your marriage will actually be strengthened as you each spend time and do things with others.
A Sense of Humor: A merry heart does good, like medicine (Proverbs 17:22). Lighten up a little and you’ll find that most of the everyday inconveniences, annoyances, and problems you face aren’t so bad after all.
Optimism: Optimism—the tendency to believe and expect the best—linked to faith in God nearly always pays off big. This is because love rewards faith. Conversely, few things can drag down a marriage faster than pessimism—expecting the worst and complaining about the downside of situations. You are to bring about a positive change in your spouses’ life. The difference in each other’s life, as a result of your marriage, should be glaring for all to see. It is your responsibility to help him attain the greater heights God has prepared for him.
Be a helper not a destroyer, an asset not a liability, a blessing, not a burden and a soothing balm, not a thorn in the flesh. You know what a thorn does? It makes life uncomfortable and unbearable. It causes a lot of pains.
You need the help of God to be able to be a help that is meet to your spouse. This comes by surrendering your life to Christ. You surrender by confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. If you are ready to be born again, please say this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today as a sinner. Forgive me of my Sins. I believe You died and rose on the third day for my sins. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”
If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through email@example.com, and firstname.lastname@example.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).