Welcome to another interesting edition of this teaching series. I believe you learnt something great from the last edition. May you begin to enjoy your courtship period as you put the knowledge to practice, in Jesus’ name!
In this edition, I will be teaching on some major characteristics of a good Christian courtship and what to avoid.
These characteristics are necessary things to observe in courtship, in other to know if you are on the right track or not. It can be likened to the seasoning ingredients you use, before preparing a soup. Every process engaged, determines the taste of the soup. Therefore, we should look out for the following:
The bedrock of marriage is agreement, and the first test of this is while you are still in courtship. From inception, there must be an agreement between you and your partner. Firstly, you must have agreed to spend the rest of your lives together in marriage. You must also agree on pressing issues that concern your future together. God’s Word in Amos 3:3 says: can two walk together, except they be agreed? Where there is no agreement, there will be confusion and disunity. A healthy agreement will go a long way in protecting the success of your relationship, long after your courtship period.
Character is like a smoke. No matter how hard you pretend, it cannot be hidden. You and your partner must have good Christian character that speaks. Both of you must be God-fearing and doers of God’s Word, in truthfulness. You must be committed to the things of God like fellowship, Kingdom service, tithing, offerings, etc. This is why God commands that you join yourself with someone of like belief and faith. As it is written: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hatht light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belia? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)
The Christian character of you and your partner must radiate the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Ephesians 5:9 and Galatians 5:22. A good Christian character will guide you from acting the way any natural person would, thereby saving you from sorrows and hurts.
A good Christian courtship must be one that should progressively end up in an engagement and then marriage. Proverbs 4:18 says: But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. This means constant progress/advancement is being made towards your goal—marriage. Therefore, progress must be made physically, spiritually, materially, mentally and in every other area.
Lack of progress leads to defilement or stagnation and it is said that stagnant water stinks. The success of every good courtship period is that it should end in something even more meaningful, which is marriage (Proverbs 13:12).
Courtship built on lies is on a faulty foundation which crumbles soon. Dishonesty erodes trust and can strip a person of the honour and dignity meant for marriage. To have a successful courtship, you must be honest to yourselves at all costs and at all times.
Sincerity that is void of every form of pretenses is a MUST, at this period. Both of you have to be open to each other, hiding nothing from each other and keeping no skeletons in your cupboards. Let your partner know even the tiniest detail about you. I have seen a lot of ladies fall victim to this, simply because they would not let go of secrets and pretences. If for example, you are a lady who likes to wear red lipstick, then don’t pretend that you don’t wear lipstick at all, only for your husband to stumble on you, wearing one after you are both married. Allow your partner accept you for whom you truly are without assumptions.
Many couples tend to get carried away with various activities during this period that they never seem to find time to seek God. If there is any time to seek God more, it is at this time because both of you will receive several challenges, distractions and contrary reactions which may cause both of you to easily lose grip, if your relationship with God is not firm.
Since courtship is not marriage, you have no marriage rights over each other, until marriage has been contracted. Many begin quite well in the spirit and end up messing themselves up, by engaging in the works of the flesh as listed in Galatians 5:19-21. Also, the Bible in Hebrews 13:4 says: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled… What you do with the bed during courtship, amount to laying a foundation for what your marriage will be like when you get into it.
There is no room for sexual relationship or anything that leads to it, while in courtship. As long as you are not yet married, it is sinful for you to go into it. Pre-marital sex does not only defile, it is like a wound that even when it’s healed, the scar still remains. Don’t destroy the trust, honour and respect in marriage.
So much is demanded of you and God’s help is available, when you accept Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. When you confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, God recognizes you as His child like a father, He will begin to direct your steps in order to ensure that you do not fall a victim to mistakes, hurts and sorrows. If you are set for this new birth experience, please say this prayer. “Dear Lord Jesus, I come to You today as a sinner. I believe You died for my sins and rose on the third day. Forgive me of my sins. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today”.
Congratulations! You are now born again! All round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through email@example.com, and firstname.lastname@example.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian Bookstores: Singles With A Difference, Make Your Life Count and Success in Marriage (Co-authored).