Last time on this column, I shared with you on how you can be committed to your spouse. Today, I want to teach on the two most important keys in becoming a good spouse:
Apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost said: Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25). The instruction to love your own wife, which a true family discovers, is not a commandment from a denomination; it is the commandment of the Almighty God. There is a world of difference between the words ‘love’ and ‘lust.’ Love is not only just a feeling of affection, it is a force that causes one to give and give all the time, not only when the woman does good, but also when she appears to be wrong in some aspects. It is the force that makes one desire and work out the best for the other party. However, when one has the intention and attitude of wanting to grab or to get from the other party all the time, this is lust and not love.
Wherever love is present it can be seen, read, heard and it can be felt. It cannot be hidden. There can’t be effective leadership without love. However, anyone who draws people to himself, who is touched by their feelings, and shows concern for them is always an effective leader. As a man, if you want to be in control of your home, you need to use the weapon of love. Love and control are two sides of the same coin. Where there is love, selfishness does not exist!
Loving as much as Jesus loves the church, is the standard. Jesus loved the church when it had no comeliness. While we were yet sinners, Christ laid down His life for us (His Church) (I John 3:16). A man that really loves his wife, therefore, does not wait for his wife to be perfect, before he loves her, but is unconditionally steadfast in the demonstration of his love for her and for his entire family. Whenever your wife is going wrong, lovingly call her back to order. Love sees danger afar off and warns the loved one of that danger by loving control methods.
God’s Word says: Love thinketh no evil (1 Corinthians 13:5). Therefore, always resist any evil thought in you concerning your wife or other family members. Use the yardstick of, if your wife could see the thoughts that you’re thinking towards her, would you be ashamed? Next, ensure that you express your love verbally. If you can’t tell your wife you love her, who else do you want to tell? I hear it from my husband continually and it creates in me both the ability to submit and a re-assuring commitment to make our home a delight always.
In God’s divine order, submission from a wife to her husband is a responsibility that must be fulfilled. It is a command from God in Ephesians 5:22, which says: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. The woman must resolve to fulfill her own part, which is total submission from her heart, in her words and actions to her husband. God commanded the man to love his wife, and the woman to submit to his authority. It is something every wife must do. Failure to embrace submission as a command from God, has brought so much heartaches into several homes.
Some women prefer argument to submission in the home, thinking that by so doing they will be able to have it their own way. Some other women think that submission is an act of foolishness and they would rather argue their way through, in order to get what they want. This is not true! As a wife, a good way in which you can have what you want, if the reason for your desires are genuine, is through prayer. Taking your strong reasons to God in prayers works faster and better than any argument.
There was a time my husband and I wanted to change schools for our children. There was a particular school we wanted to change them to, and we had started making arrangements for the change. But after sometime, I discovered that there was a better school they could attend. I had my reasons, based on God’s Word, one of which was that the proprietress is a spirit-filled believer and most of the workers are Christians. I told my husband about it but he did not immediately see why I wanted that particular school, especially, after both of us had agreed on one before. Just as I had learnt what submission means and how to use the weapon of prayer to get whatever I wanted, instead of arguing, I took the issue to God in prayers.
I presented my reason before God and asked Him to convince my husband Himself about the issue. God did! A few days later, my husband came home and said that, that particular school I talked about was where the children will start attending! Can you imagine how excited I was that day? Immediately, all arrangements were made and they resumed there. What arguments would not have brought for me, submission and prayer did. Nothing is too small to pray about. God is interested in every area of our lives.
However, both the man and woman have responsibilities that must be fulfilled, in order to enjoy a peaceful and successful family. Failure of one or both of them in discharging these responsibilities is often the root cause of marital problems.
Fulfilling your marital responsibilities is easier, when you are a child of God. This is because as a child of God, you carry His presence, which allows you access to His blessings for your family. To become a child of God, please say this prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Thank you for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”
Congratulations, you are now born again! I believe that you will begin to experience the reality of the price that Jesus paid for your sins at Calvary. All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you in Jesus’ Name! Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through email@example.com, and firstname.lastname@example.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.
For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).